They often don’t mean it but sometimes, footballer’s can’t half be funny, whether they mean to or not. Sometimes their attempts at seriousness are even more humourous. So here’s a look at the funny things footballer’s say.
(No managers – looking at you Holloway – nor sexism from messrs Gray, Keys and Burton, simply as they aren’t footballers – O.K, Gray will be tolerated as it’s probably in his DNA.)
“Messi can do some amazing things, but anything he can do Joe can do as well, if not better. He used to shock us in training by doing footy tricks with a golf ball that most players can’t even do with a football. I really fancy Joe for the [player of the year] award this season.”
– Steven Gerrard in August about Joe Cole, who had arrived at Anfield amidst much fanfare on a free transfer from Chelsea, but would then be sent off on his debut and have a nightmare debut season on Merseyside – Got things slightly wrong there Steven.
“In about three years, I will be better than Zlatan. He is older than me and has now reached his peak as the top scorer in Serie A – but I have a plan, I believe in it and I am ready.”
– Perennial Arsenal substitute, Nicklas Bendtner, speaking in June 2009, saying he would be better than Zlatan Ibrahimovic by 2012. Currently, Bendtner finds himself free to leave Arsenal after another season of nothing, whilst Ibra has won the Serie A title (again), being Milan’s top goalscorer and top provider, prompting La Gazzetta Dello Sportto state: “Serie A is a tournament in which various teams compete, and then at the end Zlatan Ibrahimovic wins.”
“I am confident, he is arrogant.”
– Arsenal’s Polish ‘keeper Wojciech Sczcesny quite simply explains the difference between himself and the aforementioned Bendtner. With team spirit like this, it’s no wonder the Gunners won nothing for a sixth successive season.
“Arsenal is a training centre. You watch the match, you enjoy it, but are you going to win a title afterwards?”
– Manchester United defender Patrice Evra… Credit where credit’s due, he does have a point.
“There’s no loyalty in football any more”
– Talk about the pot calling the kettle, black. Craig Bellamy after being discarded by Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini and sent on loan to Cardiff City. Yes, that Craig Bellamy, formerly of Norwich, Coventry, Newcastle, Celtic, Blackburn, Liverpool and West Ham – A true footballing nomad.
“The problem with footballers is they really take themselves seriously. We kick a ball around and earn 100,000, 200,000, even 300,000 euros a week. We don’t improve the world…. It’s not like we invented hot water.”
– Always reassuringly honest, Tottenham Hotspur’s straight-talking, smart car driving, Cameroonian international full-back Benoit Assou-Ekotto.
“If Pep told me to throw myself off the third tier of Camp Nou, I’d think: ‘there must be something good down there’.”
– Barcelona’s Brazilian full-back Dani Alves showing just how committed he is to manager Pep Guardiola. If it meant playing in the best club side ever (probably), we’d be willing to listen to Pep also, despite a fear of heights.
“Although it’s an important match for both teams, it’s just another match. We are one point ahead of them and it will be a tough road game, but I am confident we will earn a positive result. It’s not a final. There are still many games to be played.”
– Real Madrid forward Cristiano Ronaldo prior to the season’s first El Gran Clasico at the Camp Nou – Madrid were duly trounced 5-0 by Pep Guardiola’s Barcelona, who would go on to become Spanish and European champions, leaving Madrid to make do with the Copa Del Rey.
“Honestly, I think I’m the best. Luka Modric and Samir Nasri are very good, but in terms of English players…well, Jack Wilshere isn’t bad, but Frank Lampard’s on the way down and Steven Gerrard’s been injured a lot….”
– So said Aston Villa’s Ashley Young, who looks set for a summer move to….Wait, it was Joey Barton who said this!? Newcastle United won’t give him a new deal at reduced wages, even after this cracking quote earlier in the season. Really? Shocked.
“I’d walk back from the United States to play for England again.”
– With his vast wealth i reckon David Beckham can probably afford the air fare.
And finally and in all seriousness:
“Play for the name on the front of the shirt and they’ll remember the name on the back.”
– Barcelona and Argentina star, reigning FIFA World Footballer of the Year and quite possibly the greatest to have ever played the game, Lionel Messi. One or two of his peers (looking at you Bendtner) would do well to remember such words.